Recently, I've heard two phrases repeated over and over, one I never expected to hear and another I didn't expect to hear quite so soon: The first is the announcement of the "'Nature Boy' Ric Flair Education Lottery," the second, "Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize."
The first one cracks me up. A wild-eyed North Carolina pro wrestler having his own scratch-off named after him. I've got nothing against Nature Boy, but I'm not sure he's the right poster boy for the education lottery since the only quote that he is really famous for doesn't sound all that smart. I believe it goes something like this: "Woooooo! Woooo! Wooooo! Wooooooo!"
The second one just reassures me that those Nobel folks really must've hated them some George W. Bush. I imagine Laura Bush fretting that morning about her husband's reaction to the Obama award, coming as it does when he has only been in the Oval Office for about 12 minutes.
Fluttering about the sunny kitchen of their new home in a tony Dallas subdivision, Laura must've been wondering what to say to calm George as he sulked over his sunnysides.
Ultimately, I imagine, she used the time-honored Southern woman's way of dealing with any bothersome news: "Consider the source, dear."
These words have a remarkably calming effect on those who feel that they have been wronged, no matter how deep the slight. Not that Bush expected to win a peace prize, ever, but this particular Nobel prize does seem a bit premature, coming across as the ultimate Oslovian version of "nanny-nanny-boo-boo."
The rest of the world apparently has sighed in relief that they are no longer dealing with Bush. They have sighed so long and so loudly that it reached all the way to the Nobel committee. Thanks to Obama's election, even the French are considering being nicer to Americans, although they still think we're too fat and spend way too much time carping about how much they smoke. In elementary school.
To his credit, Obama seemed as shocked as anyone by his selection. But he shouldn't be. Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007 just as Bush was in the short rows of his second term. They hated Bush so much they probably wanted to give it to Tori Spelling just to show him but fortunately didn't have to because Al Gore invented that ugly-butt light bulb just in time.
Many pundits have suggested that Obama should make an acceptance speech in Norway in December that pays tribute not to his own fledgling efforts in the peace department but to honor those before him. This is intellectual hooey. I think he should get up there and accept that Nobel prize with the only truly appropriate response.
That's right! "Wooooo. Wooooo. Woooooo. Wooooooo!"
Oh, and take THAT Olympic committee.
Celia Rivenbark's newest book, "You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning," is available at bookstores nationwide. Visit www.celiarivenbark.com for details.
Posted in Crivenbark on Wednesday, October 21, 2009 2:00 am
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